


Different as can be

by Desoxyribonukleinacid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:21:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25782025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desoxyribonukleinacid/pseuds/Desoxyribonukleinacid
Summary: The love Story of Quirrel and Voldemort :)it´s comedy a little..Just read it and you´ll know what it is XD
Relationships: Quirinus Quirrell/Voldemort
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

( time of harry Potter and the Philopher´s/sorcerer´s stone , this is not Canon, definetely not. PLEASE DON`T HURT US!)

Quirrels POV

It was done.  
He was on the back of my head.  
And with he, i mean Lord Voldemort.

As his loyalest follower, he chose me, to be with.  
And now, i will carry out his plans, with him on the back of my head.

And the first plan is following:  
living long enough together to kill Harry Potter.  
We decided, that i would apply as professor, so we could get into Hogwarts, where Harry Potter would attend his second year.  
With me, the dark Lord could get close to the boy and kill him.  
Then he could get back his body, and we would rule the world.

The plan was pefect, and luckily i was accepted as Professor for defense against the dark arts, kinda ironic...

Our only problem is, that we don´t know how to hide Voldemort.  
So first we found a hat store.  
we spent hours, trying on hats, but they never really covered him fully.  
As we lost hope, we got hungry, and went to the indian restaurant.  
we ordered some curry, and chatted about some other stuff.

Then the waiter came along, and was wearing the solution of our Problems on his head.  
A TOURBAN!!!!!  
So after lunch, we went ahead and bought some.  
It hid voldemort perfectly, and it didn´t look as stupid as some of the hats we had tried on before.  
We liked the Sombreros the least.

back at home, we packed our trunk for hogwarts, and watched some TV.


	2. Chapter 2

Quirrels POV... again... because Voldi doesn´t see so much :´)

It was another beautiful morning.  
the sun was shining and the birds were chirping.  
And it was the morning, that we would get to Hogwarts.

We apparated to Kings Cross, the train station, from where the Hogwarts Express started.  
As all the other wizards, we entered platform nine and three quarters.  
The train was already there, so we randomly enterd a compartment.  
compartment 13, as i read.

We sat down and then some time later the train moved.  
There we sat.. in awkward silence...  
but suddenly we heard a knock and a voice   
"Helloo? Would you like to buy some candy?"  
Voldemort made an excited squeaking sound, i think he wants candy.  
I bought him a chocolate frog and a packet of Red Vines.  
And he was happy as a squirrel.

About an hour later, we finally arrived at the castle.  
We followed the other teachers, and entered the teachers lounge.

There, a man in black, Snape, looked at us angrily...  
like always.  
He just had a resting Snape face, for whatever reason and we just shrugged it off.

Professor Trewlany, was standing in a corner, facing it.  
she´s crazy, even for a fortune teller.  
we thought she belonged into a mental asylum...  
but maybe hogwarts was a mental asylum, indirectly.

We nearly stepped on professor Flitwick..  
he was beeing small as usual.  
Maybe one of his parents was a house elf...

Mc Gonangal was just there  
doing literally nothing.  
She wasn´t standang, nor sitting, nor floating, nor lying...  
She was just there.

Fresh Dumbledore was probably in his office.  
Drinking lemon tea and eating lemon drops.  
Lemons make crazy, at least him.

Madam hooch, was yelling around,  
aparantly to no one in particular.. just practicing her yelling.  
She also had her broom in her hand.  
and the she blew her whistle.  
but nobody reacted, maybe this was just normal.

Professor Sprout, was petting a plant.  
She clearly was the professor of gardening class.  
But didn´t look like a plant eater.

Hagrid broke down the door accidentaly, when entering.  
now he was trying to fix it, but the door just kept falling down again.  
Pathetic for a wizard...  
he had an umbrella as a wand, so what should we expect ?

Filch tried to sweep dust, but hagrid made it worse, each time the door fell down.  
he was just cursing, poor Squib.


	3. Chapter 3

still Quirrels POV because fuck you, Snape.

About haölf an hour later we sat at the teachers table in the Great hall.  
We might have accidentally stepped on flitwick again...  
but that was insignificant,  
bacause Dumbledore stood up.  
He silenced all the children   
And welcome everyoooone 

Dumbledores welcoming speech:

"welcome all of you to hogwarts  
I welcome all of you to school  
did you know that here at hogwarts...  
we´ve got a hidde swimming pool?  
welcome, welcome, welcome, hogwarts  
welcome hotties, nerds and fools  
now that I´ve got you all at hogwarts...  
i´d like to go over just a couple of rules!"

We listened to Dumbledores "Speech" patiently.  
Snape seemed kinda grossed out for some reason, half of Gryffindor were Weasleys.

"yes,yes,yes. welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts.  
And a very special welcome to my favourite student,  
Mister Harry Potter!  
he killed Voldemort, when he was just a Baby.  
he´s even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it!"

The new students got sorted kinda randomly.  
But then Dumbledore explains why.

"Well, um, a funny thing happened to the sorting Hat.  
he actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing.  
So he and the scarf of sexual preference aren´t going to be back until next year.  
they´re on their honeymoon.  
Basically I´ve just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy or a Weasley into Gryffindor,  
anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin,  
and the other can just go wherever the hell they want.   
I don´t really care"

Suddenly the student, Cedric Diggory stood up.  
He yelled at Fresh D  
" HUFFLEPUFFS ARE PARTICULARLY GOOD FINDERS!"  
Fesh D turned around with a puzzled expression on his face and said  
"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?"  
Cedric shrugged and just sat back down.


	4. Chapter 4

you can probably guess by now, that it´s Quirrels POV

then dumbledore got back to what he originally wanted to say.   
"anyways................  
WE GOT A NEW TEACHER!"  
he pointed at us, and I stood up.  
Then Dumbledore introduced me  
"THis is Professor Quirrel, he will teach defense against the dark arts"  
WE got another ANGRY glare from Snape.  
he still has his resting Snape face.

but then suddenly, Voldi had to sneeze  
"achoooooooooooooo"

Everyone turned to us and looked..  
even DOMBLEDURE (yes this spelling was intended)  
And then he asked  
"Did your Turban just sneeze?"  
i got nevous and answerd  
"No.. i just.. farted"  
everyone seemed perfectly fine with this answer and turned around again.

That was a close one.  
Then we went to our living Quarters.  
we sat down and i took off my turban.

Voldemort breathed heavily and coughed  
"I CAN´T BREATHE UNDER THIS DAMN THING!"  
I tried to calm him down  
"I´m sorry my lord, but it´s a necessary precaution.  
For if they knew that you lived-  
that when harry potter destroyed you, your soul lived on"  
He repeated it angrily  
"Yes, when my body was destroyed  
i was forced to live in the forbidden forest,  
eating bugs,mushrooms and.. YUCk.. unicorn blood."  
I further told the story  
"Until i found you, and let you attach yourself to my soul."  
"Yes" Voldemort agreed and stated  
"but nobody must know any of that"

then he wanted something to drink..  
"Now Quirrel, give me some water to drink"  
he demanded to drink it himself so I poured water in his mouth on the back of my head.  
"Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going perfect, my lord"  
he snapped at me  
"yes,yes,yes, now I´m done with the water!  
We must not have any more foul ups like tonight in the great hall."

"I´m sorry my lord, but you sneezed" I said to him.  
"I KNOW THAT!!" he snapped again

then the demanded nasonex and I sprayed it in his nose...and mine.

"And wash that turban!... it tickles my nose" he exclaimed.  
"Yes, my dark king" i said  
"Ok, just... relax with the dark king stuff.   
I watch you wipe your butt, daily  
You can call me Voldemort, we`re there.  
We´ve reached that point" he said.  
I accepted it  
"Yes, yes my- Voldemort"

"Can you put on the fireplace, i´m cold!  
So i cast a fire spell, and lit it up.  
I made myself a cup of tea and sat down.  
"AAh sipping tea by the fire is well"  
Voldemort added his opinion in a diabolic voice  
"Pushing people in is fun as well!"

He was tired  
"Now Quirrel, get us ready for bed.  
We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter.  
mmm..tonight, in the great hall.  
he was so close..   
I could have touched him.  
Revenge is at my fingertips, Quirrel.  
I can taste it.  
It tastes like...  
Cool mint."  
I chuckled  
"That´s our Listerine, Voldemort."  
he just mumbled  
"Yes.Excellent  
well...  
Goodnight, Quirrel"  
I answered  
"Goodnight"  
We laid down on my back, Voldemorts face was shoved into the pillow.  
then he complied   
"Okay, okay, I can´t do this.  
You gotta roll over.  
i can´t sleep on my tummy"  
I excused myself  
"I always sleep on my back.  
i have back troubles.  
it´s the only way i´m comfortable"  
He started to threaten me  
"You roll over rght now or i´ll..  
I`LL EAT YOUR PILLOW"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Resting snape face is like resting bitch face, but for Snape :P


	5. Chapter 5

Voldi`s POV... not

he kept going with his threat   
"you´ll be having a dream that you´re eating a giant marshmallow,  
but really when you´ll wake up and your favorite goose-feather pillow,  
WILL BE MISSING!"  
I gave in  
"Fine, we´ll compromise.  
We´ll sleep on our side."  
He seemed okay with it  
"Okay.  
I guess I can do this."  
I wished him a Goodnight  
"Well, Goodnight"  
He replied sleepily  
"Goodnight, Quirrel" 

He suddenly talked  
"Hey Quirrel  
How long have those robes been on that chair?"  
I answered  
" I Think they´re from last night.  
I just put them there for now."  
H e complied  
"well are you planning on putting them in a hamper?  
What´s your plan for these?"  
I replied  
" I figured i´d just put them there for now and just put them away in the morning, ok?"

"Uh, no" he answered. "No, that´s not ok. i can´t sleep knowing that there are dirty clothes on that chair.  
The chair is going to start to smell like dirty clothes!"  
I said  
"Look, i promise I´ll put them away in the morning!"  
Voldi screamed at me  
"You put them away-  
RIGHT NOW!  
I COMMAND YOU TO GET UP AND...   
FOLD THEM AT LEAST.  
Make it into a neat pile!"  
I got up   
"Look, if we´re going to be in this situation for a while, we´re going to have to learn to live with each other.  
Now I´ve been single for all of my life and I have some habits  
and sometimes I leave laundry around."  
voldi explains  
"Well I believe everything has it´s place.  
Muggles have their place.  
mudbloods have their place.  
AND SO. DO. YOUR. CLOTHES!  
Namely- A DERSSER!"


	6. Chapter 6

POV of Snape

I slept through the night  
then i woke up.

I don´t understand, why the authors write in my point of view.

My life isn´t interesting  
i hate everything   
This is even worse than having to deal with all those insolent little brats.

Just change back to Quirrels point of View now!

Quirrels POV, because Snape requested it

I folded the clothes, i was kind of sick of arguing with my-   
Voldemort

Then we finally went to sleep.

In the morning, we got dressed and headed to the great hall.  
There were alraedy a few other teachers and students, eating breakfast.  
Including Snape, still with his resting Snape face.  
We sat down and i mumbled a greeting to the Professor next to us  
"Goodmorning, Professor Flitwick.  
...sorry for stepping on you yesterday."  
Flitwick answered in his squeaky voice  
"I´m used to it. i only got one broken arm this time"  
he smiles sadly  
i try to comfort him  
"that´s good, I guess"   
We spent the rest of breakfast in silence.

the rest of the day i had to teach.   
in the evening voldemort came up with an idea  
"heyy, let´s go to Hogsmead!"  
I smiled  
"that would be wonderful!"  
"Come Quirrel, We´re gonna get you laid!"

So we walked over to Hogsmead  
when we arrived, we decided, to get some Butterbeer or Firewhiskey at the three Broomsticks.  
I wanted to get alittle alcohol, but Voldi wanted ... lots of it  
By the time we left the pub, we we´re barely able to walk straight.  
But we nearly hooked up with all of the pub.  
Including the ladies.

We walked back to the castle in a wobbely line.  
Colapsing on the bed, as soon as we reached our living Quarters.  
We fell asleep almost immediantly, knowing we´d wake up with the worst headache.


	7. Chapter 7

Hermiones POV under the shower

why the fuck would you want this?

fucking perverts!!!!

( ok ok ok  
back to Quirrel )

Quirrels POV

Ugh the headache  
Why did Voldi want to drink so much yesterday?  
but for some reason he seemed more hungover than me.  
He still slept when i woke up.  
maybe i should get up, he´d stay quiet.

So i decided to do so.  
I went to breakfast, with him still asleep.

I sat down on my seat next to Flitwick.

"I see you´re using your arm again." i said to him  
he replied  
"Yes, I spent all day yesterday to climb up the stairs to get to Miss Pomfrey.  
I´m glad I didn´t fall down the stairs when i left."

Suddenly Voldemort snored.  
The teachers turned to me. dumbledore asked  
"Did your turban just snore?"  
This startled me  
"No.. i just.. um ..farted again. more loudly."  
They turned away from me again and i sighed in relief.  
Maybe it wasn´t a good idea afterall.


	8. Chapter 8

Dracos POV

I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed...  
I was GORGEOUS  
an 11/10... maybe a 12..... .5  
fuck it! a 13!  
Nobody is as perfect as i am!

(shut up Draco, nobody cares!)

Quirrels POV because Draco is more vain than we thought

After breakfast i went back to my Quarters as fast as possible, Voldi would probably wake up soon.  
he woke up mere seconds after i entered  
he demanded  
"now Quirrel, I am hungover.I want candy!"  
luckily i still had some from the train ride, and fed it to him.  
in a hungover state he mumbled  
" oh Squirrel, you´re the best friend anyone can have"  
that caught me offguard  
" oh.. well thank you, so you really think we´re friends?"  
Voldi slurred  
"of course Squirrel"  
i asked  
"Why do you call me Squirrel"  
he slurred a reply  
" Cause i´m happy as a Squirrel, as long as i´m with Mister Quirrel"  
I bit into my hand because i felt so.. flattered.  
but maybe it was just the alcohol speaking.

"I´ve got to get to class, I´m still a teacher afterall.  
Please concentrate on not sneezeing or something.  
i barely got away this morning"  
he asked  
"What? did i sneeze in my sleep?"  
I said  
"No, but you snored"  
he was quiet foe a moment and then said  
"Okay, that makes more sense"

Then we headed to class


End file.
